namby-pambical

When you are in a relationship with someone, or still in the dating stages, there will be times when it will cause stress. Maybe there is a misunderstanding, maybe there is an actual conflict, or maybe he or she simply isn’t behaving the way you want him/her to. In other words, you feel stress about the relationship.

 

Then, comes the question, how much stress is a normal part of dating or relationships, and how much is actually a bad sign? You don’t want to be the person who runs away at any sign of trouble. But you also don’t want to be the person who says, “Hey, relationships are hard, but it’s worth it! I don’t mind the high blood pressure or the vomiting.”

 

Relationships are actually meant to be a source of comfort and mitigate stress. We have always heard that if you are planning for a relationship, you are better equipped to survive life’s inevitable pressures, and it is helpful to have someone by your side at all times.

 

But what if your relationship is actually the source of stress and pressure in your life? Yes, it is a broad topic and the causes; whether they are internal to or external to a relationship – are vast. We all feel stress from time to time, due to various reasons. But when a relationship itself is stressed, the impact can be severe.

 

Sometimes, relationships can become so stressful that it may seem to defeat the point of being in a relationship altogether. At that point, you often feel helpless and think it would be better to split up. Because, if there is violence or abuse, it is correct to walk away.

 

4 Signs to Determine Highly Stressful Relationships

 

How much stress one can tolerate in a relationship depends, to some extent, on their temperament. However, here are a few guidelines I will offer to help you know when stress is too much.

 

  1. Stress Stage: The newer the relationship, the less stress you should tolerate. Once the relationship gets serious, conflicts are bound to happen, but still not all that often. Occasional conflict is normal.

 

  1. Stress Duration: How often does it feel stressful to be in a serious relationship? Once in a while, when there’s a bad day or misunderstanding, or on a regular basis? You know the answer.

 

  1. Stress Intensity: What impact the stress have on you? Is it just uncomfortable until it passes, or does it cause bad dreams, anxiety, depression, or physical symptoms like stomach-aches or headaches? Minor stress or discomfort is normal, but significant worry or physical symptoms are bad sign.

 

  1. Negative Stressed Feelings: How often do you feel anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, sadness, disappointment? In the heat of conflict and just after, these might come up. But if they’re common feelings in a relationship, that’s not a good sign.

 

 

5 Tips For Dealing With Relationship Stress

 

Find a way to put your relationship as a priority, just as you do your friends, healthy eating and exercise, and you will be well rewarded. Go on a date – not to talk about your work and financial stresses, but to pay attention to your partner and feel their attention on you. Here are five tips for dealing with a stressful relationships:

 

  • Be more respectful with your partner.

 

  • Acknowledge and communicate that you are feeling stressed and ask your partner if they are feeling the same.

 

  • Make a determined effort to smile at your partner each time you see each other in the day.

 

  • Make an acknowledgement of something you appreciate when you speak to your partner.

 

  • Make a priority time each week to attend to each other.

 

In the end, a relationship should never make you feel like crap. If it does, it’s a strong sign that the compatibility between the couple is poor. No matter how much you love one another, but love is not enough to repair poor compatibility.

 

When conflict occurs, do your best to learn from it. But if your best efforts to handle it aren’t enough, it might be time to actually move on.

 

Feel free to comment below, how do you know when a relationship becomes too stressful? What are the signs? And how you move out of it?

 

 

 

********************************************************************************************************************************

Power of Commitment in a Relationship

Love is a commitment to  unconditionally serve, truthfully communicate, fearlessly protect, gracefully forgive and enduringly remain in relationship with the another.

As said by Abraham Lincoln, “Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality”.

A relationship is not just about the emotions and feelings of love. A relationship is about commitment, and being responsible to that commitment regardless of what the external variables of the time are. It’s about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the relationship even when it would “feel” better to not; even when your emotions are telling you otherwise.

We can say that a relationship is a lot like running a marathon. There are highs and lows, challenges and rewards, and there will be times when you may want to give up; when it feels too difficult to continue.

What will keep you on track and moving forward when your relationship hits the inevitable rough patch? Will love be enough? I don’t think so.

Therefore, commitment is the belief in relationship, a life-jacket to stay afloat, that helps a relationship to withstand the test of time. A lack of commitment reduces the buffer that holds relationships together during times of conflict and stress.

However, it is impossible to commit yourself to a person that you are unhappy with. It is important to follow your heart and your mind as well. There are many times your mind longs for a person, and your heart desires for someone else.

It is possible for your feelings to intertwine with someone you fanatically want and someone you passionately need. When you find the one person you want and need both, you will find it easy to be committed.

When you finally find the person that you decide to commit yourself to, make sure that person is “the one”, the one you want forever, the one you truly love, and most importantly the one who makes you happy inside and out. Be sure to not get confused between someone you want and someone you need. Instead find the one person who fits in both.

 

3 Keys to Communicate Your Commitment in a Relationship

 

It is so important to assure your partner of your commitment each and every day. In order to do that, you will have to communicate it with sincerity. But how?

We can consider these three simple yet tangible ways to communicate your commitment to your mate.

 

  1. Disagree agreeably. Showing commitment to your partner does not mean you will never fight or disagree. You’re two individuals. Therefore, conflict is bound to happen. It’s when you threaten to simply throw everything down. Don’t yell or hurl accusations at your partner that you’ll regret later. Instead, listen to your mate with curiosity and a desire to understand. Be sensible.

 

  1. Work as a team and compromise. Teamwork will show commitment since it often calls on your willingness to compromise. That means you are as concerned for your mate’s needs as you are your own. You must stop being single at heart and shift your thinking from “mine” to “ours,” from “me” to “we.” Keep your individuality, but work together.

 

  1. Convey honesty and trust. Commitment in a relationship is impossible without trust. Only when you commit to being honest, your partner can have an accurate picture of who you truly are. Do everything in your power to not let lies or half-truths destroy the trust and commitment between you. Be honest about your past and truthful about your vision of your future.

 

5 Stages Of Commitment Almost Every Couple Hits

 

When you and your partner are committed to a relationship, the union remains more important than your (and your partner’s) individual needs. The 5 stages of commitment almost every couple hits in a relationship are as:

 

  • Making It Official. There comes a time, after a few dates, for that awkward chat about what exactly is going on between you two. It is better if you’re both on the same page. It’s also the part where you talk about what each of you wants for the near future. With the designation of “official,” you can now introduce your partner as someone significant in your life.

 

  • Bringing Them Home. Bringing a new person into the place you call home says a lot about how serious you are. If they meet the family and they are well-received, that’s a great start. By getting closer to those around you, they’ll know a different side of you. This will either give them more reasons to love you or it will make them take a step or two back.

 

  • Moving In Together. Moving in together is a big step. It changes your relationship. Those changes are mostly good, but some of them aren’t so great. But like all things, you take the good with the bad. Relationships were already a lot of work. It just that now it includes housework, too. It means you’re watched, you go out on more dates, alone time means something different, etc.

 

  • Getting A Pet Together. Having an animal together is much like a real baby. It’s a huge commitment! You’ll have to agree upon how to train it, make sure it gets fed and walked and you need to plan your travels accordingly. These includes very adult things to do and you can only do them with someone you trust. Thus, you know you’ve fallen in love with a person you can depend on, talk to and be around with minimal effort.

 

  • Mentioning Weddings. The next important topic to actually say out loud will be the one with the white dress and the fancy vacations. Planning the future shows how committed you are. Starting to think about the big day will prepare you for it when it becomes a reality.

 

Trust and deep intimacy will only grow in the soil of commitment.

The great philosopher Socrates once wrote, “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will become very happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

Sounds Funny? Scary? Or Interesting?

Share your thoughts in the comments section.

 

**************************************************************************

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Festivals are the best shopping season. So here comes the Durga Puja on 15th of October. It is the great festival of Hindus, which is celebrated by worshiping goddess Durga. People are going crazy shopping online and from the stores.

Let’s make it hassle free. Let’s visit Amazon shopping website and check out what sorts of exclusive deals and offers they have come up with for our charm. I have listed few of the #1 best seller products here that gained my attention:

  1. /amzn.to/2RkPrre

YouBella Non Precious Metal Fashion Jewellery Bohemian Stylish Multi-Color Fancy Party Wear Earrings for Girls and Women

Tiaraz Fashion German Silver Beaded Chandbali Hook Earrings Jewellery for Women

Tiaraz Tribal Muse Collection Jaipur Jewels Designer Fusion Moonshape Chandbali earings earings for girls stylish hanging earings for Women

KHUSHAL Women’s Rayon Kurta with Palazzo Pant Set

KILLER Men’s Checkered Slim Fit T-Shirt

The Girl in Room 105 Paperback

 

Nova Plus Amaze NI-10 1100-Watt Dry Iron (Grey/Turquoise)

Lotus Professional PhytoRx SPF25 PA+++ Whitening and Brightening Creme, 50g

***********************************************************************************************************************************

(951) 544-7010

Have you been in a relationship where you need to hide truths from yourself and your partner in order to carry on the illusion of love in the relationship?

Have you tried to convince yourself saying that, all the sacrifices you’ve made, all the truths you had to hide and all the changes you’ve made in yourself were worth it because at least you have a relationship?

Is being alone for you is worse than living an illusion, a lie? Well, for a lot of people, it is. They would do anything to avoid a break-up.

But that is not healthy. It will always lead to resentment and anger, which leads to more fights, and eventually a break-up.

Let us relate ourselves to one more topic I have in my mind. We often blame our partner for our state of happiness, or perhaps more accurately, our unhappiness. We tend to look outside of ourselves for the cause of our problems, and thus, we seek outside of ourselves for solutions as well.

The problem with this approach to relationship is that we render ourselves as victims and we think we are not capable of creating change in our lives. Ultimately, we hand our happiness over to someone else again to manage. The way most of us (unconsciously) operate in relationships is the result of one or more illusions.

After a few rounds of dating, mating and relating block we come to realize that none of these approaches to relationships work, or to be precise, do not withstand the test of time.

Therefore, the solution to this is either we learn to love truly or live the illusion of love. Either we control our emotions or let our emotions have full control over us and start seeking outside of ourselves for solutions.

 “Real love is experienced in the absence of fear, pain and suffering.  When any one of those exist, we experience the illusion of love.” – Janet Ong Zimmerman

 

5 Types of Illusions Harmful for a Relationship

Let’s create a clearer picture of what illusions of love in relationship actually means and what leads partners’ to such illusions.

 

  • Illusion 1: We hear only what we want to hear in a relationship, rather than what is actually said. Listen to what is actually said and watch for how someone behaves. Believe them right at the beginning when they tell you what they want and don’t want.

To do: After that, all you need to do is just keep observing them. Always remember actions speak louder than words.

 

  • Illusion 2: We fall in love with the fantasy of what we want a relationship to be rather than paying attention to what it actually is. We hope for a romantic relationship and a happy family, or that the other will put us above all else, but when we take a real look at what is happening, it quite often doesn’t match our fantasy.

 

To do: Notice if what you are wanting and what you are getting are actually the same thing. Then, either be sure that you are creating what you want or accept what you have. Alignment of these two is important for happiness.

 

  • Illusion 3: We think that the other person who really loves us, will change for us (even when they’ve told us they won’t). But if it isn’t truly what they want, they will likely return to their “default settings” at some point in the relationship. People only change if they really want to change.

 

To do: Either love them or leave them. If you can’t accept someone the way they are, they aren’t the person for you. (Or maybe you aren’t the person for them!)

 

  • Illusion 4: We often think that if the other person would just…(fill in the blanks), we would be happy. When we expect too much from someone else, we become victims of what they do and don’t do. We fail to understand that happiness is not generated from an external source.

 

To do: One should be responsible for their own happiness. Try to find a new way to respond to what the other does, that will bring about a better result.

 

  • Illusion 5: We think that if we just alter ourselves (dress differently, eat differently, behave differently, make love differently) the partner will love us more. But remember if you put on a mask to get someone to love you, and they do, you still don’t feel loved—because you aren’t being the real you.

 

To do: Spend some more time discovering yourself and who you really are, what you really want and learning to love yourself. Authentic love is the only love that works.

5 Ways to Fix the Illusion of Love in a Relationship

What would you rate your relationship on a scale of 1-10? If you answered 5 or less, then your relationship needs some fixing.

Don’t let your life with your significant other be a routine? Nothing is more boring than monotony. Here’s five easy ways to give your relationship a little dose of dopamine!

  1. Make time for each other. Life gets busy, especially if you have kids, job and OMG! all the things; but your relationship should be a priority no matter what. Have a daily, 5 to 10 minute mini-date where you snuggle up with a silly YouTube video, take a quick walk, have some ice cream, listening to a song by sharing the same headphone, or whatever you both enjoy.

 

  1. Switch up to date-night. Occasional plans for a dinner date or a movie date is fun. You can also grab coffee or hot cocoa, go to a park on a breezy day and find yourself with a perfect excuse to cuddle with your partner.

 

  1. Create a Bucket List and Take an adventure. Make a list of all the crazy, ambitious, and wonderful things you want to do with your partner. Be happy you have someone to share your life with. Do something exciting together! You could take a cruise, go on a road-trip, jump out of a plane, visit a rain forest, or climb Mt. Everest.

 

  1. Angry? Count to 10. If something is wrong, don’t ever say “nothing is wrong,” because that would only delay the inevitable. Feelings that are held in have a way of intensifying. Pissed off? Take a deep breath and say let’s deal with it. Don’t say anything hurtful which you know you’re going to regret saying later. Just hold it in and count to ten. Breathe in. Breathe out.

 

  1. Appreciate each other every now and then. What do you find sexy or handsome about your partner? What is the most sweetest thing they ever did for you? Sometimes, we’re so busy focusing on our partner’s negative traits that we forget to appreciate what made us fall in love with them in the first place.

Obviously there are lot more interesting ways to eliminate the illusion of love in a relationship and make your relationship the most happening. All you need to believe is that infinite love is the only truth and everything else is illusion.

Were you a part of a relationship that has since been repaired? If so, tell us how you fixed it in the comments!

****************************************************************************

For today I will recommend the book written by Mark Manson – “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck”

Follow the link: /amzn.to/2DFrBUb

This book is a game changer. It makes you think in a way you never have. Must read for people who think they are depressed, ‘something is wrong with me’, ‘why me’ type of questions. Trust me there is nothing wrong with you. It is an eye opener for me truly.

notanencephalia

Well different people will be having different views on what we actually mean by a healthy relationship. As per me, dependability is the definition of a healthy relationship. In a relationship we notice that the couple do depend and rely upon each other. Such relationships are based on trust, mutual respect, support and honesty.

Healthy relationships allows both the partners to feel connected and supported but at the same time feel independent as well. I feel communication and boundaries are the two major pillars that holds a healthy relationship. All healthy relationships do and must have boundaries.

Please don’t mistake boundaries to be a form of restrictions. As mentioned in my previous blog, restriction is an outcome of attachment and not love. Therefore, here boundaries means certain rules or limits that a person creates, not for the partner but for oneself in order to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone crosses those limits.

But honestly speaking, sometimes even I struggle with setting boundaries in my own life. Setting boundaries are difficult sometimes. So don’t feel bad if you have never sat down with your partner to directly discuss your boundaries. The partners should always remember that they are into a relationship and hence they must follow certain boundaries in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

Let us check some of the points that will help us understand the major components for maintaining healthy relationships and at the same time we can also have an idea of how boundaries play out in our life.

 

5 Tips For Healthy Relationship

It is ultimately the two people in the relationship who will decide what is healthy for their relationship and what is not. However, as per my observation, I feel that to have a healthy relationship it is very important to make sure that you understand each other’s expectations and needs. Hence, being on the same page is very important.

Therefore the 5 tips that can help you and your partner create and maintain a healthy relationship as per me are:

  • Communication: Communication is very important in relationships. We need to talk openly and at the same time be a good listeners as well. This will help couples avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment or confusion between them.

              But we should also keep in mind that each person has different communication needs and styles. Therefore, couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their relationship.

 

  • Being Supportive: Being supportive is rather a broad and confusing concept. True support is all about encouraging someone’s growth as a human being. It does not mean we encourage people to do whatever they want, just because they want it. The ability to show empathy, compassion and genuine concern for another person is how we define Support.

                                 It is a vital component of a healthy relationship and indicates that a relationship is deeper and more meaningful.

 

  • Respecting Each Other: A good relationship is about two things, first is finding out the similarities and second is respecting the differences. You should never forget that as your partner’s wishes and feelings have value; so do yours. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind.

                                  Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. A true relationship always connects to trust, respect and understanding.

 

  • Compromises: No relationship is perfect. Therefore what actually matters is the love we have for each other, rather than the small differences. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise and to give something up in order to gain something greater.

                                  Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way and as soon as possible.

 

  • Respecting Each Other’s Privacy: This is one of the most common areas of couples’ struggle. Couple fail to determine how open and transparent they want to be, in their relationship. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

                                  But in the mean time you should also know the difference between privacy and secrecy. Keeping secret is not healthy for  you or your relationships. Always remember that trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.

Obviously there are endless tips for how to maintain a healthy relationship. I have just listed a few out of it. But the main thing you need to keep in mind is that Love will ask you to step out of your comfort zone. It will ask you to sacrifice and compromise. If you cannot do that, you are not ready.

 

What Is Healthy Boundaries In A Healthy Relationship?

In most of the relationships we often think that boundaries are some sort of restrictions or a bad thing. Isn’t that a part of being in real love? What do you think?

I believe all healthy relationships have boundaries. When boundaries are clearly defined and respected, you don’t need walls or electric fences. Always remember, if there is mutual understanding and loyalty; people can even cross the boundary occasionally and that is okay.

In order to establish boundaries, you need to be clear with your partner who you are, what you want, your beliefs and your limits. It is okay to go out with your friends without your partner. It is ok to participate in activities and hobbies you like. It is ok not to have to share passwords to your email, social media accounts or phone. Respect each other’s individual likes and needs. Because as mentioned earlier, there is vast difference between privacy and secrecy.

Having healthy boundaries means knowing and understanding what your limits are. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Remember that poor boundaries are a sign of either you have compromised yourself or you are committing a breach upon the boundaries of your partner.

Some sings of healthy boundaries includes: saying ‘no’ without any guilt, asking for what you need directly, taking care of yourself and taking responsibility for your own happiness, being treated as an equal, not feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness, behaving according to your own values and beliefs, saying ‘yes’ because you want to, and not out of obligation or to please others, etc.

In the conclusion I would like to share that let’s not complicate things with words and feelings. Lets communicate rather in a proper way. Life really is not that serious. We do have time for understanding each other right?

Just find out what it is that makes you happy and who it is that makes you happy and you are set. Trust me.

The Four Major Elements of Love

Are you really in love, or it is just an attachment? Well before deciding that we will talk about the four major elements of love and few points that will help us understand whether we are actually in love or it is just an attachment.

I love this line said by Madonna: “ To be brave is to love unconditionally without expecting anything in return.” That is so damn true. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul without expecting; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.

Have you ever tried to think that what if your feelings are wrong? What if the relationship you are in right now is just an outcome of attraction and not love? What if you are just so damn scared of being alone that anyone who comes to make you feel safe and secure feels like your soulmate? Do we each have one true soulmate, or are we drawn to those we get attached through circumstance and chance?

Perhaps the most well-regarded definition of love as per me is that true love involves four major elements – intimacy, loyalty, passion and commitment. Is this true? That’s ultimately up to you to decide.

But remember one thing, that the greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain. I have found out that, if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only Love. Therefore, just don’t fall in love but grow in love.

Continue Reading


Bitnami